What Do You Say to Someone Who Knows They Are Dying
What to Say to Someone Who is Dying (and What to Avert)
By
Gabrielle Applebury
Using her M.A., Gabrielle has worked with multiple families to help them in the grieving process. She advocates the use of equine-assisted psychotherapy for grief and loss.
Read More
One thousand.A., Marriage and Family Therapy
Many people have difficulty knowing what to say to a loved one who is passing away. While it isn't e'er easy to know what to say to someone who is in the process of dying, there are some principles to keep in listen.
What Do You Say to Someone Who Is Dying?
Whether you are comfortable speaking nearly expiry and dying or not, being there for your loved 1 tin make a earth of departure to them as they go through this feel. Whatever you bring up, be sure to do so with kindness and compassion. Imagine if yous were in their shoes before yous say something and then you accept a meliorate thought of how it may be received. You may want to speak with them about:
- Their funeral arrangements or plans: "Are you comfortable talking about your end-of-life wishes?" Follow this up with an offer of aid, "I really want to make sure you have everything you want."
- "How are y'all doing today?"
- "Is at that place anything I can practice for you today?"
- "Is there anything you lot'd like to do today?"
- "What would yous like to talk most?" They may bring upwardly their current feel, or may want to talk over a book, a flick, the news, or anything else. Just get with it, and follow their lead.
- "How are you feeling today?"
- "I simply wanted to tell you how much you mean to me."
- "You've been the almost incredible friend and I feel so lucky to take you in my life."
You tin certainly bring upwards how much you'll miss them and how much they mean to you, but be sure that they don't end upwardly taking care of you. It'due south actually of import that you lot show up for them every bit they go through this.
What to Say to Someone Who Is Dying Shortly
If someone is nearing the cease of their life, they may or may not have difficulty communicating with you. They may also see and hear things that yous are unable to. These are known equally end-of-life hallucinations. Even if they are unable to convey their thoughts to you, you can yet tell them how much they hateful to you and offering condolement to them past saying:
- "I love you so much."
- "Thank y'all for teaching me...."
- "I will never forget when...."
- "My favorite memory we share....."
- "I'm sorry for....."
- "I hope you lot'll forgive me for....."
- "It sounds like you're seeing...."
- "It sounds like you're hearing...."
- "Know that you are safe and I'k here with you."
- "May I hold your manus while nosotros speak?"
What to Say or Practice if the Dying Person Is an Acquaintance
If an associate tells you that they are in the process of dying, or y'all hear nigh it from someone else, keep in mind that it'southward okay to not know what to do or say. Saying something simple or reaching out with a gesture tin look like:
- Blistering them something special.
- Offering to be there for them if they desire to talk.
- Telling them, "I heard about what'southward going on and am here for you."
- Sending a carte du jour, flowers, or food delivery with a notation that says yous are thinking of them.
- Maxim to them, "I am and then distressing to hear about what y'all are going through, please permit me know if there's anything I can do."
Is information technology Okay to Cry?
It is admittedly okay to cry regardless of how far along your loved ane is in the dying process. Crying expresses to them how much they hateful to you and how you genuinely feel. Pretending that everything is okay for the sake of your friend may come across as disingenuous, when in reality, the all-time affair to practice is to be in the moment with them. Exist sure that if you do cease upwards crying that the focus shifts back to your friend'south feelings and so y'all tin continue to bear witness them that yous are at that place to support them every bit they go through this.
Ways to Condolement a Dying Loved 1
Aside from speaking with your loved 1, simply showing up and being at that place for them can provide comfort and support. Keep in listen, depending on what stage they are in the dying process, they may exist experiencing feelings of denial, acrimony, sadness, confusion, fear, and disorientation.
Hear Them Out
Death and dying can bring up a lot of anxiety within yourself, so endeavour to just be there with them in the moment and validate their thoughts and emotions, even if your opinions or thoughts are different. Slow down and actually mind to what your friend or family member has to say. Some people desire to share important memories at the cease of their lives and may feel comforted when someone stops to listen to a favorite story from their childhood. Others may accept worries and fears they desire to share. Listen without passing judgment and offer back up and validation.
Talk Well-nigh Death and Dying
Sometimes a person in the procedure of dying will want to discuss what it has been like for them to become through this. This may experience uncomfortable for some, but it is especially important that your friend or family unit member gets to vocalisation his or her concerns and questions. He or she may want to talk about funeral plans, organ donation, or making a will. Heed, ask questions respectfully, and make sure they experience heard during this fourth dimension.
Offer Support to a Loved One Who Is Hallucinating
Some individuals experience auditory and/or visual hallucinations which can exist a completely normal part of the dying procedure. If they are agitated or frightened by these things, effort to re-orient them to their surroundings and offer condolement past speaking in a soothing tone and letting them know they are safe. If they are comfy with what they are experiencing, information technology is all-time non to argue with them and simply witness this part of their procedure.
Follow Their Lead
It's always best to permit the individual in the process of dying take the lead in terms of chat topic and the tone of interaction. This means that you enter into these interactions or visits without an agenda and are only at that place for your friend or family member. They may drib hints or mention off handedly some death-related thoughts. If so, yous tin ask if they'd like to talk about that with you a bit more.
What to Avoid Saying to Someone Who is Dying
Every bit yous connect with someone in the process of dying, try non to:
- Talk over your religious thoughts, especially without request first
- Say anything canned or corny almost decease- this may come across as disingenuous
- Discuss your ain beliefs almost why they are dying
- Shift the discussion to focus solely on your feelings
- Hyper-focus on end-of-life plans
- Discuss how y'all'd feel if you were in their shoes
What to Say to a Dying Friend
The most important matter to remember when talking with someone who is in the process of dying is to speak from your heart. Be sincere, compassionate, and willing to listen. Showing up for them tin can aid them feel supported, loved, and seen during this transition.
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Source: https://dying.lovetoknow.com/What_to_Say_to_a_Dying_Person
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